I ran a 5K today. Not a sanctioned one, but one in my gym, on the treadmill.
I've never run that far before. Getting there wasn't easy. But it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
A few months ago, I decided I wanted to run a 5K. Or at least, be able to run a 5K. I've never been much of a runner, and I hate the gym. But I'm not as young as I was, and cardio is more important than it used to be.
I used the Couch to 5K program as a barometer to make sure I was pushing myself. It was hard. I gave up a few times. I started over. Tried again. Failed. Mainly, I failed because I didn't keep up with it. Something always got in the way. Something more fun than running.
This month, I made the real push to finish it. I watched and was amazed as I started breaking through walls that I previously thought were unbreakable. I could run a full mile, then two. For once, it was my legs failing me and not my lungs. It felt good. I knew I was succeeding and I knew I was pushing my body as hard as I could.
Then came yesterday. It was a 25 minute run, the longest I'd ever run in my life. I really wasn't sure I could do it. After about 10 minutes of running, I backed the treadmill down a bit and run at a slower pace. I was exhausted and there was still so much running to do. I needed to conserve myself. I wasn't mistaken, the workout was brutal. I was positive I was pushing myself. I was fucking tired. Toward the end, a particularly inspiring song came on the iPod and I decided to pick up the pace. I decided, for no good reason, to match the guy next to me. He wasn't running super fast, but he was running faster than I'd run in a long time.
I don't know what I thought. I really was beyond thinking at that point. But I can tell you what I found. Not only could I run at that pace -- after 20 minutes of running -- but it wasn't hard. At least, no harder than I'd already been working.
Well, shit.
Today I went to the gym, cranked it up past the speed I'd finished my run at yesterday ... and banged out my 5K. Faster than I've ever run before. Further than I've run in a long time. I was beat, but after a few minutes, fully recovered. All this time I'd been sandbagging myself and couldn't even see it.
Wednesday will be further and faster. Friday will be even further and faster than that. How fast can I be? How far can I go? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Fear is the Mind Killer
I am reminded of this time and time again. How many times have we not done something out of fear? Fear of the uncertain? Fear of failure? Fear of pain? Rejection? Fear itself?
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain -- Dune
The greatest weapon we have is our mind. Human beings have evolved to be the most dominant force on the planet. We fight, fuck, and kill better than anything nature has ever seen. Yet, we are not the strongest force in nature. Truth be told, we are fairly fragile little creatures. We drown. We dehydrate. We freeze. We heatstroke. A single peanut can kill some of us. On an even playing field, even a dog is easily capable of killing a grown man. A lion or a tiger isn't even a contest. We are not particularly fast, we are not particularly strong, we don't have razor sharp teeth or claws. Our sense of sight is strong, but it isn't the strongest, and our other senses are almost laughable when compared to the nose or ears of a dog.
Yet, here we are. The ultimate apex predator. Nothing else even stands a chance. If we were determined to eradicate every other living species off the planet, nothing could stop us except maybe one of our own. What makes such a fragile species such a force to be reckoned with? One thing: the mind.
It is the source of our greatest strength. Greater than the tiger's claws or the rhino's skin. Greater than the plants' ability to make their own food from sunshine. Greater than the rattlesnake's bite. It is so much greater than anything else on the planet that man even considers himself elevated to a place much higher than any other species. The apes are smart, as are the cephalopods, as are the dolphins, but no one realistically considers that they might be smarter than mankind.
And yet, inside this powerful organism lurks its most dangerous weapon: fear. It is the one thing that can stop the mighty human dead in his tracks. It is a relic of a time long past, when man had to be careful. A time when death was a more constant friend and visited often. It is nearly useless today, when the modern world has grown sterile and safe and the visitations of death are more the result of bad luck than they are anything planned.
--The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear. -- Full Metal Jacket.
To advance in your life, you must remove this fear. It serves you no good in today's world.
Let me stop and prove this to you. Think about something you really wanted, that you passed up because you were afraid to go for it. I don't care if it was a job, a girl, or an opportunity. For me, it was a business I wanted to start back during the dotcom boom. What it was doesn't really matter, what matters is that I didn't do it.
I could give you the dozen reasons I didn't do it, but they all boil down to one thing: fear. Primarily, I was worried about leaving my paying job to start the business I knew would have been a success. It would have required great sacrifice. I might have lost everything. I couldn't do it.
Why? Looking back over a decade later, I can't figure it out. How would my life had been substantially changed if I had just gone for it? It might have failed. I might have lost everything. At most, that would have set me back about a year, maybe two. I would have known within a year if the business would succeed or if I should just fold. I had maybe $50k in assets if I'm being generous. But I also had a six figure job. How long would it really take me to replace those assets? Six months? Seriously? That's what I was afraid of losing?
Sure, my wife might have left ... but she eventually left anyway, for other reasons. Even that ended up not being as big of a deal as it seemed at the time. Someone eventually came along and replaced her and I have a better relationship with them than I ever had with her.
I would have lost my job. ...but I didn't stay at that job either. If the business had failed, I could have gone back in a year and picked up right where I left off. I know, because I've been the manager hiring that guy. Sure, he'd taken a year off, but he showed initiative and risk taking, showed that he was more concerned about what could be done than what couldn't be done. He learned some valuable experience that isn't possible to attain any other way. He failed, but that doesn't mean he's a failure. I want those guys on my team, as does everyone else. You will pick up right where you left off.
If it had succeeded, I wouldn't be working today. I'd be traveling the world and enjoying a lifestyle. But I didn't do that. I succumbed to fear, gained little, and lost a lot.
I won't do that again.
Keep swinging for the fences. Get that one home run. That's all you need.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain -- Dune
The greatest weapon we have is our mind. Human beings have evolved to be the most dominant force on the planet. We fight, fuck, and kill better than anything nature has ever seen. Yet, we are not the strongest force in nature. Truth be told, we are fairly fragile little creatures. We drown. We dehydrate. We freeze. We heatstroke. A single peanut can kill some of us. On an even playing field, even a dog is easily capable of killing a grown man. A lion or a tiger isn't even a contest. We are not particularly fast, we are not particularly strong, we don't have razor sharp teeth or claws. Our sense of sight is strong, but it isn't the strongest, and our other senses are almost laughable when compared to the nose or ears of a dog.
Yet, here we are. The ultimate apex predator. Nothing else even stands a chance. If we were determined to eradicate every other living species off the planet, nothing could stop us except maybe one of our own. What makes such a fragile species such a force to be reckoned with? One thing: the mind.
It is the source of our greatest strength. Greater than the tiger's claws or the rhino's skin. Greater than the plants' ability to make their own food from sunshine. Greater than the rattlesnake's bite. It is so much greater than anything else on the planet that man even considers himself elevated to a place much higher than any other species. The apes are smart, as are the cephalopods, as are the dolphins, but no one realistically considers that they might be smarter than mankind.
And yet, inside this powerful organism lurks its most dangerous weapon: fear. It is the one thing that can stop the mighty human dead in his tracks. It is a relic of a time long past, when man had to be careful. A time when death was a more constant friend and visited often. It is nearly useless today, when the modern world has grown sterile and safe and the visitations of death are more the result of bad luck than they are anything planned.
--The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear. -- Full Metal Jacket.
To advance in your life, you must remove this fear. It serves you no good in today's world.
Let me stop and prove this to you. Think about something you really wanted, that you passed up because you were afraid to go for it. I don't care if it was a job, a girl, or an opportunity. For me, it was a business I wanted to start back during the dotcom boom. What it was doesn't really matter, what matters is that I didn't do it.
I could give you the dozen reasons I didn't do it, but they all boil down to one thing: fear. Primarily, I was worried about leaving my paying job to start the business I knew would have been a success. It would have required great sacrifice. I might have lost everything. I couldn't do it.
Why? Looking back over a decade later, I can't figure it out. How would my life had been substantially changed if I had just gone for it? It might have failed. I might have lost everything. At most, that would have set me back about a year, maybe two. I would have known within a year if the business would succeed or if I should just fold. I had maybe $50k in assets if I'm being generous. But I also had a six figure job. How long would it really take me to replace those assets? Six months? Seriously? That's what I was afraid of losing?
Sure, my wife might have left ... but she eventually left anyway, for other reasons. Even that ended up not being as big of a deal as it seemed at the time. Someone eventually came along and replaced her and I have a better relationship with them than I ever had with her.
I would have lost my job. ...but I didn't stay at that job either. If the business had failed, I could have gone back in a year and picked up right where I left off. I know, because I've been the manager hiring that guy. Sure, he'd taken a year off, but he showed initiative and risk taking, showed that he was more concerned about what could be done than what couldn't be done. He learned some valuable experience that isn't possible to attain any other way. He failed, but that doesn't mean he's a failure. I want those guys on my team, as does everyone else. You will pick up right where you left off.
If it had succeeded, I wouldn't be working today. I'd be traveling the world and enjoying a lifestyle. But I didn't do that. I succumbed to fear, gained little, and lost a lot.
I won't do that again.
Keep swinging for the fences. Get that one home run. That's all you need.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
The first post. Swing away.
A few months ago, I got this idea in my head. I was going to stop trying to get to the next stop in life and try for something bigger. To use a baseball analogy, I was going to quit playing small ball. I was going to swing for the fences.
Too many people live their life playing small ball. Make hits, get your runners on base, and slowly advance them home. It's the safe play. It's what we're all encouraged to do from the time we're little kids: do well in school, go to college, get a "good job", get married, buy a house, have kids -- the complete American dream. If that's all you want, small ball is a good play. Never reach for a ball that might be out, just wait for the right pitch. Get a good hit on it, but don't swing too hard and miss your mark. Hit it out toward the shortstop for a single, maybe a double if you're lucky.
I've never been that guy, but I've been trying to play that game. And it's not working. Well, it is, in the sense that I'm got all the trappings of what people would call a successful life. I've got a nice home in one of the trendiest neighborhoods in Austin, I drive a Porsche, I have a beautiful girlfriend. I'm a race car driver.
But this still hasn't turned out quite the way I've wanted it to be. I don't have the Ferrari I always wanted. I don't have the million dollar house in the hills. I'm a race car driver, but I can't afford to go play in the "real series" like Grand-Am. I don't have the freedom to travel the way I'd like and buy the things I really want. I don't have the financial cushion I'd like. Disaster could strike tomorrow and leave me ruined.
The idea started to form. If I wanted to get where I wanted to go, I needed to go big. I needed to step out there and take some chances and possibly get ruined. But here's the secret: life isn't baseball. You are not going to strike out. You're going to get a pitch, and you can swing at it. Or not. Your choice. But whether you swing or not, life is going to give you another one. And another. And another. Right up until you die, whenever that is. All you need is one home run.
That's it. One home run. Sure, you can keep swinging after that if you want, but you can also go sit on a beach and drink margaritas the rest of your life. How many of those have I missed in my life? How many times have a taken a half-assed swing at an opportunity that could have easily been a home run? How many times did I pass because I thought it might end up being an out instead?
I'm almost 40. I'm not too old yet, but I've missed a lot of swings. I don't plan on doing it any longer. This is my blog and my journey. What will I do? I don't know, but you're welcome to join me on the journey. Maybe you'll even be inspired to do it yourself.
One home run. That's all I need.
Too many people live their life playing small ball. Make hits, get your runners on base, and slowly advance them home. It's the safe play. It's what we're all encouraged to do from the time we're little kids: do well in school, go to college, get a "good job", get married, buy a house, have kids -- the complete American dream. If that's all you want, small ball is a good play. Never reach for a ball that might be out, just wait for the right pitch. Get a good hit on it, but don't swing too hard and miss your mark. Hit it out toward the shortstop for a single, maybe a double if you're lucky.
I've never been that guy, but I've been trying to play that game. And it's not working. Well, it is, in the sense that I'm got all the trappings of what people would call a successful life. I've got a nice home in one of the trendiest neighborhoods in Austin, I drive a Porsche, I have a beautiful girlfriend. I'm a race car driver.
But this still hasn't turned out quite the way I've wanted it to be. I don't have the Ferrari I always wanted. I don't have the million dollar house in the hills. I'm a race car driver, but I can't afford to go play in the "real series" like Grand-Am. I don't have the freedom to travel the way I'd like and buy the things I really want. I don't have the financial cushion I'd like. Disaster could strike tomorrow and leave me ruined.
The idea started to form. If I wanted to get where I wanted to go, I needed to go big. I needed to step out there and take some chances and possibly get ruined. But here's the secret: life isn't baseball. You are not going to strike out. You're going to get a pitch, and you can swing at it. Or not. Your choice. But whether you swing or not, life is going to give you another one. And another. And another. Right up until you die, whenever that is. All you need is one home run.
That's it. One home run. Sure, you can keep swinging after that if you want, but you can also go sit on a beach and drink margaritas the rest of your life. How many of those have I missed in my life? How many times have a taken a half-assed swing at an opportunity that could have easily been a home run? How many times did I pass because I thought it might end up being an out instead?
I'm almost 40. I'm not too old yet, but I've missed a lot of swings. I don't plan on doing it any longer. This is my blog and my journey. What will I do? I don't know, but you're welcome to join me on the journey. Maybe you'll even be inspired to do it yourself.
One home run. That's all I need.
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